'A boy raises his hand to slap his girlfriend, as a girl observes from a distance. The girl looks on in surprise. It's now up to her to say something or do something. If she does nothing, then she has become a part of the problem.' - U.S. Army Photo by Lee, Naeun
DAEGU GARRISON — Someone once said, "The world suffers a lot, not because of the violence of bad people, but because of the silence of good people." Those words are powerful, and given that February is 'Teen Dating Awareness Month', it seems like a perfect time for everyone to step back and really consider the depth of its meaning. A good place to start is in recognizing that 'Teen Dating Awareness Month' is a national effort to raise awareness and protect teens from violence.
Like many places around the nation and the military, USAG Daegu and Area IV is doing its best to support Department of Defense efforts to ensure teen dating issues are not ignored. To help with this tremendous task are subject matter experts like Carmen Ortiz, Family Advocacy Program (FAP), and Exceptional Family Member Program (EFMP) Specialist. Located at the ACS on Camp Henry, Ortiz not shy about telling stories that need to be told regarding some of the ills associated with teen dating.
Asked to explain exactly what teen violence is, Ortiz said, " It has many definitions. But for us it is any relationship where one of the partners doesn't respect the other. It includes anything from name calling, to hitting, and any verbal or emotional abuse. For instance, you have a boyfriend, he is not supposed to tell you when or where to go, or to whom you should talk to. What we've noticed is that most of the teens that do this, tend to come from a home that has domestic violence. So, there is that ripple effect of what they've seen at home, now they are putting it into practice in their own relationship."
In trying to provide greater understanding of some of the issues associated with teen dating violence, Ortiz seized the opportunity to explain the difference between general and regular dating violence. She said, "There is a difference. In regular dating, you are getting to know that person, and you want to start a good relationship sure of who you are, and of what you want. In a regular relationship, two people accept each other the way that they are, through communication. So, the basis for that relationship involves communication. In a teen dating violence relationship, there's no trust. It's a power struggle. There is the sense that each individual feels he must be strong, or he must be the one in charge."
Directing her attention to the types of teen dating violence committed, Ortiz explained that there are all kinds. "For example, a boyfriend or girlfriend have a fight. The boyfriend insults her with words, then puts those demeaning words on social media so everybody can read it. He also puts secret pictures of her in the media spotlight. These actions not only hurts a relationship, it hurts the individual. These negative results can lead boys to thinking that she the girl is going to become a sex object. As a result, the girl might quit school because she can't handle this," said Ortiz.
Addressing the issue of teen dating violence in Area IV, Ortiz said that the community comes together to try to ensure teens realize there is help for them if they need help. However, she also wanted to further reiterate an important part of the teen dating violence issue. She shared that much of the ill behavior comes in different forms. She said, "It may be that he or she hit the other partner, and there is a serious effort among them to try and get control -- one over the other. In some instances, the stronger person may address the weaker person by using a pattern of behavior that makes the weaker person believe that he hits me because he loves me. That's not correct. No one should put their hands on anyone for any reason. Because in the long run, by hitting you or pushing you, the situation can escalate, and the boy can put you in the hospital."
Ortiz reminds everyone that the key to a healthy teen dating relationship requires everyone involved to make an effort to not only be sensitive to the needs, but respect the wishes of others. “Getting help from a counselor in social work services or calling the National Domestic Violence hotline, or contacting a victim advocate—each of these are resources that are easily accessible and can be of assistance to a victim. Our USAG Daegu leaders, as well as other subject matter experts are committed to the campaign of anti-violence,” stated Ortiz. She then added, “If surrounding people witness a teen dating violence scene, they should raise their voices for the victim and help him or her.”
